Fielding Estate Winery - White Conception (Blend)

Origin: Ontario

Price: $18.95

Vintage: 2009

Date drunk: February 2, 2012

d.: d.'s going all bougie.

g.: This smells exactly like nothing. Entirely contary to the commentary in our last post.

AND IT TASTES LIKE HEAVEN. I taste nuts and butter. There's a tiny hint of flowers but it mostly tastes like lightly buttered bread. It's so delicate. I want to serve this on a little porcelain tea tray covered in tiny birds.

d.: This is what happens when you pretend you can afford expensive wines.

g.: We don't really have much else to say. It's hard to talk about wines when they don't taste like sharks.

d.: I think this goes with your buttery taste, but it's so rich it's almost creamy. Whoever would have thought a white wine would be creamy? Why not just drink butter?

g.: Could we... mix... wine and butter? Or... buttermilk? What would happen... chemistry-wise?

d.: I feel like vomit.

g.: I feel like experiments.

[Ed. note: This did not happen. We are not dead. Or scientists. Everything is fine. But if anyone wants to try that out, feel free to report back.]

Palatine Hills Estate - 1812 Chardonnay

Origin: Ontario

Price: $12.20

Vintage: 2008

Date drunk: February 2, 2012

d.: It smells jaunty.

g.: Jaunty like a stroll in a garbage dump.

d.: Maybe, but you still have a cane and a monocle.

g.: Okay, so it tastes fine. I think evidence on this blog will show that I apparently hate the smell of every wine ever.

d.: If I had to go with a shape for this taste, I think I'd go with oval. Because it's not super round, but it's not flat.

g.: I have no idea what this tastes like. Fruit? Lemons? Flowers from the battlefield at York? Let's hope so. It's good. A little sweet, kind of sour, but dry. Like the bones of the dead, etc. I'm really reaching for the war theme here. I want to like this wine because today I touched a musket that was used in the war of 1812. I deserve to like this wine.

d.: It's got a bite like a sabre.

g.: It's warm like the radiant heat from the explosion of a munitions depot. There. It's seriously warm though. We're impatient.

d.: It goes down smooth like powder down the barrel of a musket.

g.: Damn, guy.