Monkey Bay - Pinot Grigio

Origin: New Zealand
Price: $14.95
Vintage: 2008
Date drunk: August 8th, 2009

g.: *ffshcffcchhfck* It smells like cement.

d.: It's one of those tastes that leaves a dryness in your mouth. Like drinking cottonballs.

g.: Like cottonballs dipped in acid.

d.: Acidballs.

g.: I hate those kinds of parties.

d.: It's one of those shudder-inducing swallow-times.

g.: It's flavourful and citrusy, but it's just way too dry for me.

d.: It starts out really tasty, up until the swallow-time, and it all goes downhill from there. And not just because it's going down inside me. It gets all ACID BLITZKRIEG.

g.: Yeah, not a fan. What is it with $14 bottles of wine? They mostly suck. Give me a bottle of $9.95 Pelee Island or Barefoot any day. Like d. has said before, it's like $14 is the really low end of the mid-priced wine (instead of the high end of cheap wine), and it shows.

I feel like, as a poor-ish student loan case with a penchant for living slightly above my means when it comes to beverages, I've been preyed upon by these wine companies. Thanks a lot, guys. I might as well be drinking Hochtaler. Now there's some bang for your buck.

Barefoot - White Zinfandel

Origin: California
Price: $9.95
Vintage: n/a
Date drunk: August 8th, 2009

d.: It's very sweet.

g.: It tastes like juice. I feel like this should have bubbles in it. It's so light and pink and tasty. Honestly, I think 75% of my enjoyment of this comes from the wine colour and the bubblegum pink packaging. Good work, Barefoot.

d.: It tastes very berry-like. I like berries.

g.: Yeah! And like I've said before, I think that all this time I've been confusing Rosé with White Zinfandel and constantly buying a bunch of weird pink crap I don't like that much. I don't know what the difference is, but this particular one is much sweeter and fruitier. So far, the Barefoot brand has been a big winner. Previously. And Previouslier.

Ciao - Pinot Grigio

Origin: Italy
Price: $12.65
Vintage: n/a
Date drunk: August 7th, 2009

g.: *sip* ... Heyyyyy.

d.: This is really good. It's clear and light and refreshing.

g.: It's really crispy.

d.: Like a chip? Like burnt toast?

g.: Like curly fries. It's more fruity than floral (for a Pinot Grigio), but it's nice. There's a lot of stuff going on under a mild layer of acidity (in a good way). I give this a serious thumbs up. Just as good as its Chardonnay cousin.

d.: It's a nice, fresh, bright, tasty wine.

g.: It's so inoffensive I barely realise I'm drinking it. DANGEROUS.


PS - We're boring when we actually like a wine.

Wolf Blass - Yellow Label - Chardonnay

Origin: South Australia
Price: $13.45
Vintage: 2008
Date drunk: July 27th, 2009

g.: *LONG DRAWN OUT SOUND OF DISGUST*

d.: Well, it's a Chardonnay.

g.: Do I even LIKE Chardonnay? I was pretty convinced that I did, but looking back, my reaction to them is usually horror. I think I had heartburn four seconds after that first sip. It's so YELLOW. Like dehydrated pee.

d.: It smells like cheap gross chocolates. Like Halloween ones you find at Zellers in March. There might be some element of mallow in there too.

g.: My favourites: expired chocolate marshmallow candies from Zellers. Or Lawtons in Sherwood. The best part is when they get marked down to 5 cents because nobody fucking likes that shit. EXCEPT FOR ME. MALLOW GHOSTS 4EVER.

d.: *horrified sounds* Chocolate robed mallow is an insult to chocolate everywhere.

g.: You're just saying that because they let me get under their robes.

d.: I'm crushed.

g.: I'm full of mallow treats.

d.: I wish I had a robe of chocolate.

g.: We are not going there.

d.: This wine tastes like DUSTY AIR*

g.: It tastes like a puddle that some small animal peed in.

d.: It's not undrinkable, it's just not good.

g.: And that's really the whole point of this blog. Would I buy this again? NO. Can I drink it? Sort of. Verdict: Don't buy this, but drink it if it's free. SURE, WHY NOT.

*This was intended to turn the conversation back to wine, but there's a nugget of truth in that statement.

Henry of Pelham - Sibling Rivalry (Riesling/Chardonnay/Gewürztraminer mix)

Origin: Ontario
Price: $13.95
Vintage: 2008
Date drunk: July 27th, 2009

d.: It smells like a wine party. It tastes like a wine party.

g.: Is this going to be a situation like when you drink wine, whiskey, rum, vodka, and a mystery cooler someone hands you at a party because IT TASTES LIKE PINEAPPLE, MAN, and you wake up the next morning wishing you were a better booze decision-maker and you cry a little? Because I was always taught that mixing is bad.

d.: Mixing is only bad when it's done in rusted rain barrels. This, on the other hand, was mixed in oaken casts or some shit.

g.: Oaken? Is oaken a real word?

d.: Hell yes, all the words I say are real words.

g.: I think this mostly tastes like Gewürztraminer. It's such a distinct-tasting wine that it overpowers the other two. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; I guess it's just more of a mellow Gewürztraminer, which I can definitely dig.

d.: I like the sharpness of it. It's like you're eating a lolly, and the lolly stick is a knife.

g.: I feel like you've used this analogy before. Also, lolly? What country is this? 1930?

d.: Just FYI, 1930 is a planet. Not a country.

g.: ...aaaand we've been watching too much Star Trek.

d.: I like it. The wine, too. It has a robust sweetness that isn't too sweet, and is kind of sour.

g.: It might not be for everyone, because of the Gewürztraminer, but I'm going to give it my vote.

Pelee Island - Blanc de Blanc (Vidal/Riesling mix)

Origin: Ontario
Price: $9.95
Vintage: 2008
Date drunk: June 26th, 2009

d.: It's a smooth tingly yum.

g.: It made me make a bad sound.

d.: It always makes you make a bad sound.

g.: That's what... she said? Yes. It's very acidic. Kind of citrusy, but maybe without the citrus flavour. This is going to give me some serious heartburn. I know the Vidal/Seyval Blanc mix wasn't like that, so maybe the Riesling is the heartburn factor here?

d.: It's brightly acidic.

g.: I agree. If this were music, it would be high-pitched.

d.: And probably happy. Man, I hate that in music.

g.: It would probably have heartburn. I'm not really sold on this. I can drink it, but might not get this again until they bring back the Seyval Blanc mix. What happened, Pelee Island? Where did your Seyval grapes go?

d.: If you let it linger in your mouth, it turns against you, like a nice drinking puddle that goes stagnant and becomes a breeding ground for mosquitoes.

g.: Man, I can't take you anywhere.