Monkey Bay - Pinot Grigio

Origin: New Zealand
Price: $14.95
Vintage: 2008
Date drunk: August 8th, 2009

g.: *ffshcffcchhfck* It smells like cement.

d.: It's one of those tastes that leaves a dryness in your mouth. Like drinking cottonballs.

g.: Like cottonballs dipped in acid.

d.: Acidballs.

g.: I hate those kinds of parties.

d.: It's one of those shudder-inducing swallow-times.

g.: It's flavourful and citrusy, but it's just way too dry for me.

d.: It starts out really tasty, up until the swallow-time, and it all goes downhill from there. And not just because it's going down inside me. It gets all ACID BLITZKRIEG.

g.: Yeah, not a fan. What is it with $14 bottles of wine? They mostly suck. Give me a bottle of $9.95 Pelee Island or Barefoot any day. Like d. has said before, it's like $14 is the really low end of the mid-priced wine (instead of the high end of cheap wine), and it shows.

I feel like, as a poor-ish student loan case with a penchant for living slightly above my means when it comes to beverages, I've been preyed upon by these wine companies. Thanks a lot, guys. I might as well be drinking Hochtaler. Now there's some bang for your buck.

Barefoot - White Zinfandel

Origin: California
Price: $9.95
Vintage: n/a
Date drunk: August 8th, 2009

d.: It's very sweet.

g.: It tastes like juice. I feel like this should have bubbles in it. It's so light and pink and tasty. Honestly, I think 75% of my enjoyment of this comes from the wine colour and the bubblegum pink packaging. Good work, Barefoot.

d.: It tastes very berry-like. I like berries.

g.: Yeah! And like I've said before, I think that all this time I've been confusing Rosé with White Zinfandel and constantly buying a bunch of weird pink crap I don't like that much. I don't know what the difference is, but this particular one is much sweeter and fruitier. So far, the Barefoot brand has been a big winner. Previously. And Previouslier.

Ciao - Pinot Grigio

Origin: Italy
Price: $12.65
Vintage: n/a
Date drunk: August 7th, 2009

g.: *sip* ... Heyyyyy.

d.: This is really good. It's clear and light and refreshing.

g.: It's really crispy.

d.: Like a chip? Like burnt toast?

g.: Like curly fries. It's more fruity than floral (for a Pinot Grigio), but it's nice. There's a lot of stuff going on under a mild layer of acidity (in a good way). I give this a serious thumbs up. Just as good as its Chardonnay cousin.

d.: It's a nice, fresh, bright, tasty wine.

g.: It's so inoffensive I barely realise I'm drinking it. DANGEROUS.


PS - We're boring when we actually like a wine.

Wolf Blass - Yellow Label - Chardonnay

Origin: South Australia
Price: $13.45
Vintage: 2008
Date drunk: July 27th, 2009

g.: *LONG DRAWN OUT SOUND OF DISGUST*

d.: Well, it's a Chardonnay.

g.: Do I even LIKE Chardonnay? I was pretty convinced that I did, but looking back, my reaction to them is usually horror. I think I had heartburn four seconds after that first sip. It's so YELLOW. Like dehydrated pee.

d.: It smells like cheap gross chocolates. Like Halloween ones you find at Zellers in March. There might be some element of mallow in there too.

g.: My favourites: expired chocolate marshmallow candies from Zellers. Or Lawtons in Sherwood. The best part is when they get marked down to 5 cents because nobody fucking likes that shit. EXCEPT FOR ME. MALLOW GHOSTS 4EVER.

d.: *horrified sounds* Chocolate robed mallow is an insult to chocolate everywhere.

g.: You're just saying that because they let me get under their robes.

d.: I'm crushed.

g.: I'm full of mallow treats.

d.: I wish I had a robe of chocolate.

g.: We are not going there.

d.: This wine tastes like DUSTY AIR*

g.: It tastes like a puddle that some small animal peed in.

d.: It's not undrinkable, it's just not good.

g.: And that's really the whole point of this blog. Would I buy this again? NO. Can I drink it? Sort of. Verdict: Don't buy this, but drink it if it's free. SURE, WHY NOT.

*This was intended to turn the conversation back to wine, but there's a nugget of truth in that statement.

Henry of Pelham - Sibling Rivalry (Riesling/Chardonnay/Gewürztraminer mix)

Origin: Ontario
Price: $13.95
Vintage: 2008
Date drunk: July 27th, 2009

d.: It smells like a wine party. It tastes like a wine party.

g.: Is this going to be a situation like when you drink wine, whiskey, rum, vodka, and a mystery cooler someone hands you at a party because IT TASTES LIKE PINEAPPLE, MAN, and you wake up the next morning wishing you were a better booze decision-maker and you cry a little? Because I was always taught that mixing is bad.

d.: Mixing is only bad when it's done in rusted rain barrels. This, on the other hand, was mixed in oaken casts or some shit.

g.: Oaken? Is oaken a real word?

d.: Hell yes, all the words I say are real words.

g.: I think this mostly tastes like Gewürztraminer. It's such a distinct-tasting wine that it overpowers the other two. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; I guess it's just more of a mellow Gewürztraminer, which I can definitely dig.

d.: I like the sharpness of it. It's like you're eating a lolly, and the lolly stick is a knife.

g.: I feel like you've used this analogy before. Also, lolly? What country is this? 1930?

d.: Just FYI, 1930 is a planet. Not a country.

g.: ...aaaand we've been watching too much Star Trek.

d.: I like it. The wine, too. It has a robust sweetness that isn't too sweet, and is kind of sour.

g.: It might not be for everyone, because of the Gewürztraminer, but I'm going to give it my vote.

Pelee Island - Blanc de Blanc (Vidal/Riesling mix)

Origin: Ontario
Price: $9.95
Vintage: 2008
Date drunk: June 26th, 2009

d.: It's a smooth tingly yum.

g.: It made me make a bad sound.

d.: It always makes you make a bad sound.

g.: That's what... she said? Yes. It's very acidic. Kind of citrusy, but maybe without the citrus flavour. This is going to give me some serious heartburn. I know the Vidal/Seyval Blanc mix wasn't like that, so maybe the Riesling is the heartburn factor here?

d.: It's brightly acidic.

g.: I agree. If this were music, it would be high-pitched.

d.: And probably happy. Man, I hate that in music.

g.: It would probably have heartburn. I'm not really sold on this. I can drink it, but might not get this again until they bring back the Seyval Blanc mix. What happened, Pelee Island? Where did your Seyval grapes go?

d.: If you let it linger in your mouth, it turns against you, like a nice drinking puddle that goes stagnant and becomes a breeding ground for mosquitoes.

g.: Man, I can't take you anywhere.

Tiny Hiatus

We're sorry for being absentee wine guides. Really. We're in the middle of moving to a new apartment, and despite feeling the need to drink every single day for a month, we haven't had the heart to write anything pithy about said drinks.

We do, however, have three new wines ready to post when we get the chance. I don't think any of them even talk about meat. Expect updates shortly.

La Puerta - Shiraz

Origin: Argentina
Price: $9.95
Vintage: 2008
Date drunk: June 12th, 2009

The smell is good. Very thick and heavy with the slightest hint of cloves. I think it's also the darkest red wine I've ever encountered and become acquainted with. I'm still sniffing; I think I'm sort of frightened—getting to the point of taking the plunge with red wine is worse than diving into cold water. Not really, though. I'm just trying to add—you know—some nice writerly touches. 'Cause I'm a writer, right? Or something like that. I think it's more likely that I was luxuriating in the richness of the aroma. Like when I walk past a house which has a dryer running on a cold winter night. I love that smell. But it's not the same sort of reaction, I suppose. Luxuriation still happens, though. I'm all about smell-luxuriation. BUT! Enough with the preamble, d.; get to THE WINE!

It tastes like I just licked wood. Probably a plank of some sort. Of indeterminate length.¹ Perhaps, as its name suggests, a door (thus, generally, providing a limit to the length of the aforementioned plank [unless, of course, we're in a house that happens to be of leaves]).

Subsequent sips bring out flavours other than wood, which is a nice touch. I appreciate it, anyway. Flavours such as smoked fruit. Perhaps the elusive door-fruit? Perhaps, d., perhaps. Or, maybe you should get with it, and just say it's sort of cherry-like. Or some bitter, acidic fruit. But it also involves an insinuation of cocoa. Which obviously fits in with that whole bitter thing it has going on. This wine would be really good with some 70% or 85% Lindt dark chocolate. Or any other really good, really dark chocolate. On a side note, I want to try Lindt's dark chocolate bar with red chili in it.² But: BACK TO WINE 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR, d.!

TO WRAP UP!:

It's strong, but not unpleasantly so; it's sharp, it's pungent, it's rich; it's really tasty and warms up my insides as only things that are good know how to do. I am a fan of this.

It's hearty and earthy and I want more!





____________________________
¹ Minds out of the gutters, folks!

² If you've tried this, please let me know what you think.

Yellow Tail - Rosé

Origin: Australia
Price: $10.95
Vintage: 2008
Date Drunk: June 12th, 2009

Yet another installment of d. Drinks a Red and I Drink a White(ish) Because Red Wine Makes Me Hurl.

Look, I don't even like red wine. I don't know why I keep buying this Rosé crap all the time. This one, in particular, is really red. Too red. I prefer my cheap white/red mixes to be all light and pink and airy and fruity. Christ, maybe I just like wine coolers. Is that so wrong?

A: YES

So, this'll probably be a short one:

First sip: *SHUDDER*

Second sip: Okay, okay. I taste some sort of fruit in there--maybe raspberries or strawberries.

Third sip: I guess I can taste the vanilla. Some kind of comforting dessert-y type flavour, anyway.

There's actually quite a bit going on in this wine for a $11 bottle of Yellow Tail. Despite it's weird bitter mouth-shrinking redness, it's kind of interesting. After a few more sips, it all comes together really nicely, and I have stopped being a hater. I'll drink this with only minor complaints--mostly having to do with always choosing crap I'm predisposed to hating.

(PLUS: 13.5% alcohol. GOOD JOB.)

Lamberti - Pinot Grigio blush

Origin: Italy
Price: $11.95
Vintage: 2008
Date drunk: May 30th, 2009

g.: It tastes exactly how it looks.*

d.: It's almost coppery.

* and this wine looks AMAZING. It's a light pinkish orange.

d.: It looks and tastes very autumnal.

g.: I've never had a rose Pinot Grigio before, and I have to say that this venture is a GREAT SUCCESS. The friendly and knowledgeable cashier at the LCBO was really into this, and said that he often "sits on the web with a bottle, and all of a sudden it's 3AM." That is a serious seal of approval.

d.: It's like drinking juice, it's so clear and smooth.

g.: It's super balanced; not too sweet, not too bitter or acidic. It's so pretty and refreshing and unassuming that I just want to give it a big hug and a warm meal and be its friend forever. I think I would also like a sweater in this colour. Could I dye a white one with wine? I would like to FIND OUT.

Pelee Island - Blanc de Blanc (Vidal/Seyval Blanc mix)

Origin: Ontario
Price: $8.95
Vintage: 2007
Date drunk: May 23rd, 2009

g.: So... it tastes like wine.

d.: It's a very light wine. There's no flavour at the start, and then a little BALOOP of flavour, and then clear. And when the Baloop happens, it's pretty tasty.

g.: I have previously said that this blog was going to be about telling you whether or not a wine is actually drinkable or not. Well, this wine is definitely drinkable. This is a safe bet. We've had two other Seyval Blanc before, both from the Maritimes, and they were smooth, delicious, and pretty much my ULTIMATE WINE. This Seyval Blanc is not quite as good, but it's still an awesome type of wine.

d.: It's a very clear, refreshing wine; there's no harsh after-taste. There's no cringe-inducing swallow-taste. It's a good wine. I'd take it home to meet my mother.

Loios - Alentejano

Origin: Portugal
Price: $9.95
Vintage: 2008
Date drunk: May 23rd, 2009

g.: Oh fucking shit.

d.: While it's not the greatest of wines, I don't know if my reaction is quite so forceful. It's really apple-y. The wine, that is; not my reaction.

g.: *another sip* ... no, I'm still going with "oh fucking shit."

d.: Say you have some sort of hybrid of an apple and gross meat. It smells sort of hammy, so we'll go with ham as the gross meat. Now imagine biting into that apple, not knowing it was hybridised with this gross ham-meat. That is what caused g's reaction (maybe).

g.: No, I think it's because it tastes like grapes and knives, together.

d.: It has a refreshing molar effect, though.

g.: What DOES THAT MEAN.

d.: It feels neat on the molars and wisdom teeth when I let it sit in the back of my mouth.

g.: I don't think there's any chance of me letting it sit in my mouth for long enough to corroborate your claim.

d.: That's what she said.

g.: I'm getting a shot glass.

d.: If you do, I will.

g.: Dear anyone reading this blog: if we don't post next week, I'm probably in the hospital. [UPDATE: I'M NOT IN THE HOSPITAL, DON'T CALL THE POLICE]

d.: Oh, though I can taste the grapes, I have yet to taste the knives.

g.: You're going to want to watch out for that. They'll cut you when you least expect it. Okay, I just took another sip, and it's actually not that awful.

d.: The quality of meatness in the flavour seems to diminish the closer to the bottom of the glass I get.

g.: We probably have at least a 2:1 wine to meat ratio on this blog right about now. The only thing we can come up with to describe wine is pork or ham, and we're fucking vegetarians.

d.: I actually liked this when I took the last sip from the glass. It has a strong (though not necessarily wine-like) flavour that is not altogether unappealing.

g.: NOTE: d. has finished his glass. I have had approximately three sips.

Pierre Sparr Extrēm - Riesling

Origin: France
Price: $14.95
Vintage: 2007
Date drunk: May 15th, 2009

d.: The smell is vomitising, yet the taste.... is magical. It's really smooth and mellow.

g.: I think it tastes like grass, but this is a good thing, absolutely. It's refreshing. Really delicious.

d.: It seems like a pretty acidic wine.

g.: I agree--the acidity gives it a weird sharpness at the beginning, but it becomes this glorious explosion of flavours in your mouth. The after-taste is pretty amazing. It lingers and it is actually welcome to do so.

d.: It's a wine taste that comes in, crashes on the tooth couch, and hangs out for awhile.

g.: I could really imagine drinking this on a porch on a bright sunny day.

d.: It's really readily drinkable; it's sippable, slurpable, and chuggable.

g.: I feel bad for rejecting this wine at the store every weekend because the label described it as "dry"--it's a bit dry, but the flavours balance it out.

Fazi Battaglia - Verdicchio

Origin: Italy
Price: $10.95
Vintage: 2007
Date drunk: May 15th, 2009

g.: I taste turpentine. It's not bad, though. Does this mean I can now successfully drink turpentine? Please say yes.

d.: Coming out of this beer imposed retirement, I'm having difficulties. It has a watery commencement. And one damn BLANG of a terminus. It's more bitter than sour, I find, the taste-finish that is.

g.: We bought this for the bottle and the mini-scroll that came with it, honestly. We are doing the world (i.e. our home decor) a service by draining this bottle and using it in an appropriate manner. This might mean sticking a dead flower in it.

d.: The scroll has a map on it. That's worth at least $10 of the admission price. It's a really nice map. It has embossing, and gold leaf.

g.: I agree.

d.: It's not a very good wine, let's be honest.

g.: I really don't even know. It might be great and my plebe taste-buds aren't sophisticated enough to know it. I LIVE A SHELTERED LIFE, tucked away from wines that have many syllables and turpentine after-tastes.

d.: Turpentine is definitely a sign of high class wine.

g.: You should write a book and name it that.

d.: I find that the harshness of it diminishes. It's not a bad wine; it's just not great.

Fat Bastard - Chardonnay

Origin: France
Price: $14.95
Date drunk: April 25th, 2009

g.: It's really crisp and lemony.

d.: It's very smooth and clear. It has a nice smoky whisper, at the swallow-moment.

g.: So like bacon. Bacon wine. Or hickory-stick wine. Or wine on fire. Can we try wine on fire?* I can't think of much to say about this, because I started drinking it early by accident, and I ruined my first-sip analysis. Goddamn.

* Wine on fire with a shot of whiskey dropped in it.

d.: It's a good chardonnay. It starts clear, moves through a square of sour, and finishes clear. It's like a circle. A circle of clarity.

g.: I don't know anything about wine shapes. I need to upgrade to Wine Geometry 101. I feel like this might taste like a rhombus, though. Or a decahedron. Probably a decahedron. Or bacon.**

** d. does not want to give the wrong impression. He stresses that the wine is actually good. It is. It's true.

(g.: I almost wish that I could scan the hard copy of this entry from our wine journal. It looks completely bananas.)

Cave Spring - Rosé

Origin: Ontario
Price: $12.95
Date drunk: April 25th, 2009

g.: It doesn't really taste like... anything.

d.: It has that "make your teeth feel weird" thing going on, though. There's a bitterness at the centre of the taste; it's not at the beginning, and then it appears and it's gone before you finish.

g.: I don't even know what to say about it. It tastes like a Rosé, but other from that... I don't know. It's a bit too much on the red-tasting side for me, though. I'd probably prefer if it were sweeter and fruitier. Maybe I'm confusing Rosé with White Zinfandel.
Dear Readers,
I don't actually know anything about wine. The internet will tell me later.
Love,
Used to Drink Great White

d.: It seems almost like there is a cherry flavour at the end of the taste. And I don't like cherries.

Jackson Triggs - Gewürztraminer

Origin: Ontario
Price: We don't remember. Probably $9.95. At most, $12.
Date drunk: April 18th, 2009

d.: That's alt 129, by the way [re: umlaut]. The smell is soapy, like nice, fancy, fruit soap.

g.: This is a really, really strange tasting wine. It's spicy. The woman at "Wine Rack" said it had a really good balance between sweet and acidic, and I think she was right. She also said a lot of other, complicated things I did not understand, but she was probably right about those too.

d.: This is like, let's say, if a Macintosh apple--not a computer--got all hot and steamy with a lemon, and produced, after the appropriate period of gestation, a mutant baby fruit.

g.: BOW CHICKA BOW WOW
I think this would taste really good with a shot of whiskey dropped into it. I would probably drop dead 30 seconds later, but I bet it would be worth it. Maybe Fireball. Someday, friends. Someday.

d.: I really like the after taste. Actually, I like the whole thing. I like it.

g.: I don't think it's something I'd like to have very often, but it's a satisfying change. I'd probably get this particular one again.

With WHISKEY.

Ciao - Organic Chardonnay

Origin: Italy
Price: $12.85 (1L)
Date drunk: April 9th, 2008

I look at this every single time I'm at the store, because although you can't tell from this photo, the carton is all holographic and shimmery. I also happen to really enjoy purple and green as a combo. Dear Wine Marketing Dudes: you win.

Down to business:

First sip: Ding ding! YES! I wanted to like this so bad, and I do. It's smooth and delicious. It's even way too warm because I'm impatient, and it still gives me virtually no pause . This doesn't taste like a chardonnay. I don't even know what it does taste like. Magic juice, I guess.

More sips: I'm in wine-love. Let's go out somewhere fun, Ciao, and get to know each other a little better. Maybe we'll go hang out on the rocks by the waterfront and talk about how you're a beautiful pale yellow, and that you look really great tonight in those sparkly clothes, and we'll probably work so well together--even though you smell kind of weird. It's okay, that kind of thing doesn't matter to dudes like us. Afterward we can go stumble around downtown, and sit on a roof and yell at cars, because we're better than cars, man.

I gotta go.

Green Rabbit - Organic Merlot

Origin: France
Price: $13.90
Date drunk: April 9th, 2009

The smell!; it starts out bitter, acrid but, when the inhalation is finished and the scent swirls in the nose, the smell richens; the smell is that of, appropriately enough, ripened grapes—like those ones I used to mow around at Vesey's. I'd pull entire bunches off the vine, bite into them, suck out the juice and spit the seeds to the ground as I circled and circled on the Cub Cadet mower that had smoother steering than my car (smoother steering, actually, than anything else I'd ever driven). Those small, thick-skinned grapes were always a welcome treat toward the latter half of the mowing season. I haven't started drinking this yet; I'm still just enjoying the smell, swirling the glass under my nose over and over. I'm revelling in the smell, being all nostalgic for those grapes that grew, intertwined, with the kiwi trees in the arbour beside Arthur's Garden. The smell is so thick; cloyingly sweet. But now: DRINK TIME!

It's bitter—in the way that tobacco, cocoa are bitter. And there are hints of these in the finish of the wine (especially the cocoa). The start is very thin and somewhat harsh, but it levels off and rounds out nicely, though there is no sweetness here, which I tend to find less enjoyable than sweeter wines (or sweeter anything, really; it could be said that I have a sweet tooth [perhaps even several sweet teeth]). It's a smooth drink, though, in spite of its bitterness. And surprisingly refreshing. It's a very a clear tasting wine. There is simply the wine flavour; it hides behind nothing.

I'd wanted to try a wine made from organically grown grapes for a while now (one of my [many] pipe dreams is to eventually make wine from my own organically grown grapes. It's something I've thought about a lot [though not in any practical sense {pipe dream, remember?}] and it combines two things I enjoy [wine and growing things]. It would be great to bring something like that from, literally, the ground up. For myself, really.) and I'm glad I tried this one. It's fresh, clear, smooth and wonderfully bitter.

Voga Italia - Pinot Grigio

Origin: Italy
Price: $13.95
Date drunk: April 3rd, 2009

We bought this wine because:

You know those tiny tubes of perfume samplers? Yeah. That's this. Except in Giant Land. And full of drinkable alcohol.

g.: Now THAT'S better (re: tonight's other wine). This Pinot Grigio has a flavour. It tastes like apples and flowers. I guess this is what people mean when they say a "complex wine"--it's pretty multi-faceted, compared to the other one. The tiny extra bit of sweetness definitely helps. Yup, I think I like this.

d.: Yeah, this is a good wine. It has a nice, fully-fruited flavour. It is a complex wine; it's a good mix of flavours.

g.: I think the difference is, this actually tastes like something besides alcohol, whereas the cheaper--not necessarily monetarily--wines just taste like stale beer or something.

We're learning!

Giovello - Pinot Grigio

Origin: Italy
Price: $13.05
Date drunk: April 3rd, 2009

d.: There's butter in the smell. The taste, it is bland.

g.: Not much sweetness to it. Kind of bitter.

d.: It's a heartburn wine.

g.: There's a little something there--something slightly flavourful and maybe fruity, but it's mainly tingly and acidic. It's not bad, but a little bit flat for me. I like Pinot Grigios a bit less bitter.

d.: It's a warm flavour. It's very simple--not a complex wine.

g.: I can imagine that some people might choose this over something sweeter, but it's not really for me. Wins points for having an awesome indigo blue bottle. Loses points for being $13 and not that good.

d.: I like dragonflies.

Folonari - Pinot Grigio

Origin: Italy
Price: $14.75
Date drunk: March 27th, 2009

d.: It smells like gross meat.

g.: It smells like the fridge. Not that we have gross meat in the fridge, but it kind of smells like fridges do when you live in a house with five people and at least two of them forget about their shitty East Side Mario's leftovers for two weeks.

d.: It doesn't taste like gross fridge meat. It doesn't taste like a Pinot Grigio.

g.: It has the mild flatness of a Pinot Grigio, but it's missing all the interesting floral and fruity elements.

d.: It's not a good wine, it's just a palatable thing.

g.: Barely.

d.: If you don't breathe in through your nose while drinking, it's fine.

La Vieille Ferme - Cotes du Luberon

Origin: France
Price: $11.95
Date drunk: March 27th, 2009

d.: It smells like the ice wine tasted.

g.: Hey, this is good! It doesn't leave any taste in my mouth at all, but when I'm actually sipping it, it tastes interesting and lightly sweet/sour.

d.: When you let it sit in your mouth, there's a lingering full-mouth sourness.

g.: This is really refreshing. I'd probably like this with food. I'd probably like anything with food, though.

d.: The edges of the taste are squared off. It's not a round taste; it's a rectangular prism.

g.: Fancy pants.

Barefoot - Chardonnay

Origin: California
Price: $9.95
Date drunk: March 20th, 2009

g.: Smells much better than the other chardonnay we bought tonight.

d.: Does it smell vanilla-y?

g.: I THINK SO.

d.: It has vanilla in the taste, too!

g.: It's sharper than the other one, or something... it's a lot more present. But it has a lot of sweetness to its flavour. Definitely vanilla.

.... and that's all we wrote. In the end, we liked the Inniskillin much better, and I think that Barefoot does a way better job with their Pinot Grigio. The vanillaness was really interesting, but wasn't enough to make it a favourite.

Inniskillin - Chardonnay

Origin: Ontario
Price: $9.95
Date drunk: March 20th, 2009

d.: It's a very inoffensive taste.

g.: I taste lemons. It smelled pretty bad, but so far it's smooth.

d.: It's a very gentle, subdued flavour.

g.: I guess the moral of this blog is: we don't like wine that tastes like wine.

Also, it has a nice appley after-taste. Pretty mellow for a Chardonnay. Will it hold up? Will I heartily wish for the bottle to be over before I get through the first glass?* We'll see. So far, so good. $9.95 wines, yes.

*Nope. We thought it a pretty decent, tasty wine for $9.95. Not the greatest choice for the price, but we'll be okay.

Gabbiano - Pinot Grigio

Origin: Italy
Price: $12.95
Date drunk: March 14th, 2009

g.: Smells great. A+. Cool colour, light blue bottle. Why does Pinot Grigio always come in a blue bottle? I'll ask the internet later.

*after a drink*

g.: I think it went up my nose. It doesn't taste like it smells; it's kind of weirdly acidic/bitter tasting.

d.: It doesn't taste like wine.

g.: It kind of tastes like weak beer. This is not what I expected from any Pinot Grigio. Maybe it's gone bad? These guys have been making wine since fucking 1124, haven't they figured it out yet? I'm going to call that bad-ass dude on the horse on the bottle and ask.

d.: It makes me think of rubbing alcohol.

I think the relation of quality to price in wine is comparable to a sine curve: the really cheap wine can be pretty tasty but the slightly more expensive stuff? Drop! And the swoop continues. This is still a working theory. More in-depth experimentation is required. This particular wine is unimpressive.

g.: Conclusion: this sucks. It's not bad enough that I won't drink it (COME ON), but I won't be happy about it.

Mezzomondo - Pinot Grigio Chardonnay

Origin: Sicily
Price: $9.85
Date drunk: March 6th, 2009

d.: There's a bit of a zest. A zest that hits right here. *thumps chest*

g.: It definitely smells like fruit. Tasty. It IS tasty. It's a little bit warm and spicy, but it has that sweet smoothness of a Pinot Grigio. The woman working at the liquor store was really excited about the potential of this wine.

I just had another sip, and this time I got a bit more of that sharp Chardonnay flavour, but I think the Pinot Grigio keeps it real.

d.: This is definitely flatter than the other one.

g.: I don't know if it'll hold up as well.

NOTE: It didn't. Not as well as the Eco Trail one, which became more and more magically awesome with every sip.

Pelee Island Eco Trail - Chardonnay

Origin: Ontario
Price: $9.95
Date drunk: March 6th, 2009

g.: I smelled this and my head automatically whipped back sharply.

d.: And you made some sort of frightening sound. It smells like white wine vinegar.

g.: It tastes like wood.

d.: That's because it's ecowine.
I like it. It's not cringe inducing. It has a smooth roundness.

g.: It scared me at first, but it seriously gets better with every sip. The after-taste is pleasant. Cool, thanks The Environment. Also, it talks about frogs and toads on the bottle. I can get behind that.

d.: I taste Granny Smith apples. But in a subtle undertone, not a HOLY SHIT HERE I AM. And it works.

g.: Apparently, I like the taste of wood.
Seriously, the first sip was not good. Now I'm tasting lemons. And awesome. I'll report back on the third glass to confirm if I still like it.

AFTER ALL THE WINE:

IT WAS STILL GOOD.

THE END.

Henry of Pelham Estates - Ice Wine Riesling

Origin: Ontario
Price: $54.95 (375 ml)
Date drunk: March 3rd, 2009

This is some high rolling shit, right here. We were celebrating; don't judge. We've always wanted to try this mysterious ice wine.

g.: It is VERY YELLOW, and very thick. Even when pouring it you can tell how syrupy it is. Wow.

... and WHOA. It's SO SWEET.

d.: It tastes just like really, really sweet grapes.

g.: If you ever wanted to know what ice wine tastes like, I guess this is it. Thick, syrupy, grape juice concentrate. Definitely a dessert wine. It's unbelievable. I can't believe there's booze in here.

d.: It's a very heavy sweetness. It just sinks to the bottom of your belly and sloshes there. Like this: slosh. slosh slosh. slosh slosh sloosh.

g.: It tastes like yellow.


We determined that this is the kind of thing you want to have one tiny glass of and call it a night. Even splitting a little 375 ml bottle was too intense.

Fetzer - Pinot Grigio

Origin: California
Price: $12ish
Date drunk: February 28th, 2009

NOTE: We really like drinking Pinot Grigio, I guess.

g.: It smells delicious. The bottle wasn't lying when it said there was a "bouquet of wildflowers." It was serious business.

On first sip, I actually said, "Yum." It tastes very floral—kind of like green tea.

d.: I like it; it has a very winey wine taste—it's a wine that's not afraid to taste like wine.

After a few glasses:

g.: Okay, this is actually DELIGHTFUL. I can swoosh it around in my mouth and enjoy the flavours, instead of crying and gulping it back as if it were a shot of vodka. Or Great White*

*I do not remember writing this.

Jackson Triggs - Pinot Grigio

Origin: Ontario
Price: $9.95ish
Date drunk: February 28th, 2009

d.: It tastes like water with a bad flavour. It's a very thin taste—it's not very "there."

g.: I know we bought this before, probably at least in the past year, and I know I didn't mind this wine then. Now that we're reviewing it and actually thinking about it, it tastes kind of off. Although in REAL LIFE, I would totally call this drinkable and not bad for under $10.

In Wine Review Land, though, it's kind of bland and uninteresting. Like d. said, it's as if someone poured some wine into a vat of water and called it Jackson Triggs. Don't hate me, JT. You're my fall-back wine. But I could probably find something tastier if I really tried.

Little Penguin - Chardonnay

Origin: South Eastern Australia
Price: $10ish.
Date drunk: February 21st, 2009

We probably bought this because there's a bird on the bottle. There's a disappointing amount of wildlife discussion on the back of the bottle, though.

g.: This smells way better than the last chardonnay.

Okay, I can't really figure out what this tastes like, but it's not bad. As you swallow, the taste changes dramatically, but it doesn't linger at all. That's pretty nice. It's a little spicier, but the finish is really smooth.

d.: It's a little bit sweeter than the last one, too. I think I might like the other one more.

g.: There's something just not right with this one. Maybe just too sweet.

d.: It's a cloying sweetness.


It was. It got worse. I think we got sick of this after a glass and a half. We'll stick with warm climate birds next time, thanks.

Two Oceans - Chardonnay

Origin: South Africa
Price: $9.75
Date drunk: February 21st, 2009

d.: It's a weird ball of taste.

g.: I thought it was fine on the first sip, but I think I just threw it back like a shot. Nice. Anyway, I kind of shuddered on the second sip.

d.: There's kind of a smoky sourness.

g.: Oh my god, it smells like something that I know but I don't know what it is [wow]. I think it's cat food. Or maybe something rotting.

d.: I agree about the cat food.

g.: I don't know about this one. Maybe it's just been awhile since I had a chardonnay, but it seems weird.

d.: I think I like it, despite it being smoky sour cork rotting cat food wine. It's a good sipping wine.

g.: I'll see how it tastes by the third glass.*

* Not rotting, and not like cat food. Pleasantly surprised. It held up well.

Pelee Island Winery - Shiraz Cabernet (blend)

Origin: Ontario
Price: $9.95
Date Drunk: February 18th, 2009

To begin with, I feel I have to mention that this is the first night of solo wine talk; g.'s tackling the white and, as she doesn't enjoy them, I get to take care of the red. To be honest, I find this a bit strange—I think my favourite part of this wine-blogging is the union of it—the sense of communion over a shared bottle of wine: criticising it, laughing over it, yelling sour grapes at it and, of course, drinking it. Together. This method—a bottle each—strips the process of much of that togetherness, that shared moment when we react to the first sip of the shared bottle of wine, see the reaction in each other's eyes. The social aspect of it is lacking tonight; as a result, I imagine I'll not often be drinking red wine. It just feels sort of lonely to each be at our respective computers, typing away, drinking away. There. Now that that's out of the way, I'll get on with it.

So, for starters, of course, we need to get the description of the bottle's animal out of the way:

The Indigo Bunting often graces the grassy woodland edges, shrubby roadsides and open brushy fields of Pelee Island with its excited warble and evening flight song. Usually seen as a black silhouette, the bird relies on brilliant sunlight to transform its dark plumage into the bright turqoise-blue for which it is named. The Indigo Bunting is the only small North American finch which can boast this distinctive colouration.

I really like the colour of this wine: it's a deep almost-purple-red, which light doesn't seem to like penetrating; I'm not going to say it's some sort of impenetrable wine-fortress or anything like that; it just looks good.

The scent of this is that typical slightly nose-stinging red wine scent.

The first gulp elicited no shivers or any such adverse reactions: a good start. The taste is fairly smooth, with a bit of a tang at swallow-time, but with an overarching sense of good almost tastelessness—like water, but with something richer lurking in the shadows, something insinuating sourness, with maybe an almost cherry hint sneaking around in the taste's backyard. A lightly fruited wine that works its magic through subtle flavourings that become more pronounced the more I drink it.

I think I'm a fan.

Barefoot - Pinot Grigio

Origin: California
Price: $9.95
Date drunk: February 18th, 2009

This California Pinot Grigio caught my eye in the Australian section of the LCBO--not because it was misplaced, but because there was a big card printed in Comic Sans saying that it won some award from the Toronto Star: Best Wine Under $12. It got 89 points. I have no idea what that means, but 89% is totally an A and that's fine with me.

I picked this because I wanted to have a point of reference. Some other dude thinks this is a pretty decent cheap wine; do I have such refined tastes? I'm going to guess.... probably not. However, I DID like that wine selected by Dan Akroyd. Cred.

Okay, firstly:
- It's not cold enough yet, but I'm impatient.
- I just ate some cheddar goldfish to get rid of toothpaste aftertaste, so my mouth is kind of tainted.

I can get behind this wine. It even conquers those handicaps I ended up creating for it, and it's a seriously tough game to beat toothpaste. It's a lot bolder/stronger than other pinot grigios I've had (which are usually really mild and closer to water than wine), and is really warm and full. There's kind of a grassy/lemony taste on top of the regular sweetness. Like other pinot grigios (I think?), it isn't sharp, bitter, or dry, but I definitely keep going back to "stronger." Full bodied? Or some other wine-jargon I know nothing about.

I like pinot grigio a bit more understated, but this is definitely good and interesting. Nothing about it makes me cringe, and that's always a good sign--if I can get a non-cringer for $9.95, I think that's pretty swell.

I will definitely buy this again. Thank you, Toronto Star, for both your sensationalist reporting and your taste in wine.

Deinhard Green Label - Riesling

Origin: Germany
Price: $10
Date drunk: February 7th, 2009

g.: It smells delicious. We also really like the frosted bottle. I think d. wanted this because it's German.

d. + g.: It's fizzy.

d.: Is that bad?

g.: I don't know. I don't think I care. It's good. I think.

d.: It has a snarl to it at the start, at the penultimate moment before swallowing, but then it softens.

g.: It tastes like pop. Wine-pop. Grape coca-cola that has fermented. The bottle says that this is a 5 on the scale of 1 (dry) and 10 (sweet). I think it's at least a 17.

This post was brought to you by: an elevated blood alcohol level.

We drank these bottles last week and got a little too tipsy to actually put them online. This week, we've opted for rum and coke. Until next week. Or tomorrow.

Masi - Soave

Origin: Italy
Price: $13ish
Date drunk: February 7th, 2009

g.: The first sip was terrifying. It got better after I swallowed it. I have no idea what this tastes like, besides crazy.

d.: It has a weirdly bitter after-taste that just sits and accumulates.

g.: It's really tingly.

(This is the first time we've tried a Soave. It may or may not be the last.)

We can't find the words to describe this wine. Sorry.

Pelee Island Winery - Riesling Dry

Origin: Ontario
Date drunk: January 31st, 2009

Yet again, sweet animal description on the back of the bottle that truly entices me to buy this brand:

"An elegant, one metre, all-white bird might conceivably be quite conspicuous, yet the Great White Egret is unmatched in its ability to stalk fish and other small aquatic creatures."

g.: I'm disappointed. This is a harsh drink. I think it's the "dry" part I don't like--I know I hate dry wines, but I thought this kind would be DIFFERENT. Riesling, you failed me. At this point, I'm just going to drink it because it's here.

(NOTE: If you like dry wines, you might like this. Who knows?)

d.: It's bitter; it doesn't have that apple taste of the Dan Aykroyd wine. It's very blandly bitter.

(d. is making awful sounds of disgust while sipping it. "luhluhluhluhluh")

Conclusion: The Dan Aykroyd Riesling is way better. This is just a boring, cheap, bitter-tasting wine. Too bad, Pelee Island.

Dan Aykroyd - Discovery Series - Riesling

Origin: Ontario
Date Drunk: January 31st, 2009

g.: We seriously bought the Dan Aykroyd wine. I was kind of embarrassed about the liquor store clerk seeing us buy it, but Daniel took that bullet for me.

d.: He was in Ghostbusters.

g.: Dude's gotta have good taste in... stuff, right? On the back of the bottle it says he was buds with a guy who knew about wine. Credentials.

So:

d.: It tastes like a Granny Smith apple—one of the small, crunchy, juicy, sour ones.

g.: This is really, really sugary, but not sickeningly so. It's kind of like someone poured a few shots of booze into a bowl of green kool-aid at a school dance. It has a really consistent, warm taste. Really warm. It's the only word I can really come up with. Or maybe I'm just confusing it with that warm alcohol feeling as it goes down my throat.

(Dear people I know,
I am not an alcoholic.)

d. is pretty confident about that Granny Smith apples flavour. I probably would be too, if I didn't hate apple skins so much. Apple alternative? I THINK SO.

d.: Even the feeling in my mouth is the same as after eating a Granny Smith apple (the dry feeling on my teeth, too. It's the same).

g.: My mouth is shrivelling up.

Do we like this?

g.: The flavour is a bit too... bold for me, unlike a mild Pinot Grigio (apparently I like my wine like I like my water—TASTELESS), but I think this is entirely drinkable.

d.: I like the overall appleness of it, but there is an undercurrent of unsavoriness there; a soupçon of shivery bitterness.

NOTES:
- We didn't refrigerate it for long enough, possibly.
- There is a microphone on the bottle (and on the cork).
- It's like $15.00, and you could probably find a really similar bottle for $9.95 (IN ONTARIO).
- DAN AYKROYD

Pelee Island Winery - Pinot Grigio

Origin: Ontario
Date drunk: Jan. 28th, 2009

g.: My favourite part about the Pelee Island wines, honestly, is the Hinterland Who's Who style text on the back of every bottle. Regard the piping plover, as it sits on your wine bottle, telling you that this is yet another $10 bottle of Ontario wine.

Actually on the back:

"The Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly makes its appearance primarily in open fields and the wooded areas on Pelee Island. They prefer flat, single, daisy-like flowers in the full morning sunlight, where they sit until their muscles are warm enough to fly."

d.: The taste has a "blannng."* It leaves a little patch sour stuck to the back of the roof of your mouth; it's not a bad patch of sour.

g.: It's really mellow, besides the little sour bit. It kind of tastes like sour candies.

* d. specified that this taste clearly had three "N"s.

I think we've decided that Pinot Grigio wines are awesome. This one was particularly drinkable. Can you get this stuff outside of Ontario? We're hoping you can, for the sake of the wine-drinking world.

Bandit - Pinot Grigio

Origin: California
Date drunk: January 23rd, 2009

d.: It smells like meat.
g.: It smells like HAM.
d.: I expected little ham chunks to drop out and float like ice cubes. This wine is not kosher.
g.: The colour is really pretty. And it comes in a carton. AND it's a LITRE. 13%.

After a few sips:

d.: Compared to how it smells, it tastes like a million bucks. I don't know what a million bucks tastes like--probably dirty.
g.: It doesn't taste like ham.
d.: Don't breathe in through your nose while drinking this wine.

I guess this wine is actually kosher*. It just smells sacrilegious.

* PLEASE DON'T TAKE OUR WORD ON THIS. WE CANNOT AFFORD TO BE SUED.

Baldivis - Chardonnay

Origin: Western Australia
Date drunk: January 23rd, 2009

This one has a woody flavour--the end taste, anyway. It smells like fruit. Maybe apple. AND, it comes in a bag. Or, according to the LCBO receipt, a CHEER PACK. It smells like going apple picking.

Seriously, it smells really strongly. It's the most distinctive part of this wine, IMO.

Besides the BAG part.

I think we like this one. For a chardonnay. A+.

We were too fucking blown away by the smell of this wine to actually have a real conversation about it.

Eugenio Collavini - Pinot Grigio

Origin: Italy
Date drunk: January 9th, 2009

d.: It feels like a line right down the middle of the taste.
g.: My first reaction was GREAT WHITE. It has that essence of shark. It starts off tasting like straight up booze, but then calms down to this weird fruit taste.
I like the fruit taste.
d.: It's a good wine, but it just has a POW to it.

That's all we were apparently able to write down about this wine. Surprisingly, this was the first bottle of the night.

Tosh and Pepper - Chardonnay

Origin: Australia
Date drunk: January 3rd, 2009

d.: This smells like bad turpentine.
g.: It looks like pee.

(We bought this because there are birds on the label. Also, it's in a plastic bottle and is a full litre, although the same size as a regular 750 ml bottle. We will find out if they are lying.*

g.: tastes 100000000** times better than it smells.

Actual important and relevant information:
- "Kind of a sharp taste."
- This was drier than the Argento in the previous post.


*They aren't.
**To pedantic mathematics people: 100 000 000

Argento - Pinot Grigio

Origin: Argentina
Date drunk: January 3rd, 2009

d.: Smells like wine.
g.: Smells like turpentine.
d.: Makes a good sound while pouring. [you know, glug glug glug glug GLUG]
g.: It tingles the tip of my tongue.

After at least 2-3 glasses each:

d.: It tastes like drunk.
g.: It tastes like how Smirnoff Ice tastes good after you've had a quart of vodka.
d.: PINEAPPLES!
g.: Who does?!

This was a good night. I think the wine was also good--good like a free wine cooler that someone leaves on a table at the bar. *

*d. does not support this sort of behaviour. It's icky.
**g. feels that her undergrad university career was supported by this sort of behaviour.
***d. feels that g. should get another patron.

Wherein we talk about wine when we're drunk.

We like to drink wine. We also like to write; we aren't, however, experts in writing about drinking wine. We don't know any fancy things about legs and noses and bouquets and, you know, wine jargon. We own some wine glasses, though. They're nice ones. Thin and classy ones that you can make sounds with when you spit on your finger* and run it around the edge.

We're going to talk about the things that are important--the crap that you actually want to know about wine before you buy it. Like, oh, if it tastes like shit. We're going to help you. Trust us.

*D. says he would never spit, because that's unhygienic.